"Who" is on first?? - A Moses Story

Abott and Costello used to have a comedy sketch they did that was entitled “Who is on first”. This gag has been a running joke on my side of the family because we really struggle with the way Moses forms his thoughts. You just about want to literally harm yourself to keep you from harming your offspring when trying to explain some of the most simple life lessons to Moe.
Aaron was taking sometime around the house, and I thought it would be a swell time for Moses to get busy on his school work. I patiently explained the problems to him. I sent him on his way. He completed his work fine, a few hiccups in math and such nothing out of the ordinary, UNTILLLLLLLL…….
He came to me with a very basic grammar exercise. The lesson was set up like this.
In the lines below write a sentence using the word listed next to each set of lines. Each sentence will show either surprise, or will ask a question, or will be telling you something…
One of the words he was meant to use was the word…..what. What…..this word obviously placed there to help him form a sentence that made a question….like. “What are we doing today?” Or!! “What would you like for your birthday?” I was delighted, an easy choice for him. He would be done with his work in no time.
He trotted off paper in hand. I went about my choirs. He came out very soon after he went in…I looked at the sentences…and sighed.
“Come on, you didn’t get it….I dunno what you didn’t understand…..” I rubbed my temples…I really wasn’t cut out to be a teacher.
He immediately took the defensive. Have you ever insulted or questioned an artist’s abilities and they just looked at you like a shot puppy…Moses always falls apart when he fails at school work. He sees my marking his paper with my colored pen, as if I am hacking giant red “x”s on his magnum Opis. I mean for crying out loud, he would be getting a new one the next day…what was so dog-gone important about this paper he hardly looked at…
I tried to take the nice personable teacher approach.
“Moses by the looks of these sentences you didn’t understand one word of what I said.” I calmly breathed out.
He stuck his head over at the paper in a bird like fashion. He just had to see what was so awful about his paper….his “baby”. He grimaced at the marks.
“Moe, if you look here this sentence doesn’t even have the word…” I pointed to a simple noun.
“Ohhhhh!” Moses said.
“You wanna fix it?” I scribbled down an answer as he dictated to me a suitable answer for the word provided.
He sank down at his desk, I took the paper in hand again and scanned to the bottom of the page. The sentence he provided for the word “what” was this….’I like legos.’…I made a very irritate face, just because it was such an obvious word…
“I like legos??? Moe…that doesn’t even have “What” in it.” Now mind you this was a statement not a question…
“Ummmm, I dunno?” I looked at him like the aliens just booted him off the ship. What was he talking about…I made a dumb look. Moses was losing his mind now, he is answering when I am not talking.
“Whatever,” I shook my head clear of the gibble gabble he was taking part in. “Moses, This sentence.” I turned the paper, hoping to refresh his memory a second before I turned it back to myself…”This sentence doesn’t have “what” in it. You need to put “what” in it.” Again both of these were reminders to him, a nudge to get him to give me a sentence that had the word “what” in it.
“ I want legos for Christmas.” He looked at me with an eye cocked. He really was trying to tell me something intelligent. Maybe he felt I was telling him the sentence wasn’t long enough…
“NO, there isn’t “what” in that sentence.” He was looking really upset now, and I was on the verge of pulling my hair out…I was trying to not get all hyper.
I dove back in, maybe rephrasing it would help..”Moe, the sentence needs “what” in it. “ I calmly stated it…but in his ears he was hearing a question….
He winced, afraid that his answer would blow my top…..”A……….period????”
I slammed my hands on my hips and marched out of the room….Aaron could hear me coming…
“Heyyyy, what’s going on?” he said, stuffing a snack in his face.
I came in the kitchen flinging my arms… “I just don’t’ understand, I work, and I work, and HE NEVER understands…I just can’t do this! I need to just send him somewhere! I stink at homeschooling, WHY! What is so hard about it????” I was almost pacing, but instead I looked like I belonged on a carousel. I had no mechanics though, just the motion of around and around and up and down.
“Well..” He swallowed. “What did he do?”
I went on to explain…..”I told him and told him that the sentence didn’t have “what” in it. And he keeps giving me these chump answers…I keep telling him. NO. That sentence doesn’t have “what” in it. And he just keeps looking at me like I came from Mars or something!” I stuck a solid forefinger in between my eyebrows trying to prevent any further wrinkles from gathering there…then I went into throwing my fit….”I just kept telling him…What is not in this sentence…is that so hard to understand…WHAT IS NOT IN THIS SENTENCE!?!?!?!”
“What does the sentence need?” He asked very innocently.
I raised my eye brow….was he serious? Or was he just getting a rise out of me? He was serious…then it hit me…..Moses was hearing in every instance, that I was asking him a question…oh what was missing, not that “what” was missing….
Humbly and also chuckling a bit at the silly misunderstanding….I went back down the hall to the classroom.
“Moe?” I was thinking hard, about how to ask it…” I need to you to give me a sentence….And I need you to use this word in it……”what”……use the word…”What” in a sentence….”
“Oh!, Umm, What are we doing today?” He smiled…Cute kid, I could have wrung his neck…
“Write it down.” I turned back into the hall, and found my husband laughing.